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First date etiquette

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I don’t think that there’s anyone out there who doesn’t even give a second thought to an upcoming first date and the impression you want that other person to get of you. First impressions, after all, often stay with you. But no matter how hard you try to plan it to be perfect, there will always be situations you cannot plan for – and sometimes these circumstances can transform your date into a little catastrophe, because either you thought too much about it or your date apparently didn’t. 🙂 Here are a few tips to help you navigate those treacherous waters of possible awkwardness.

Dinner etiquette is a very important thing to keep in mind on a first date. Photo from Pixabay.

The bill

In former times it was, for sure, that the bill had to be paid by men. But nowadays it’s not a norm anymore. To prevent embarrassing situations, you should give this issue some thought prior to your first date.

A friend of mine once had a first date with a guy who was ok overall, but she was not sure if she enjoyed the time with him enough to be hoping for a replay. So he was somehow in control of his destiny since he seemed to be interested in her. They went to a bar, had cocktails, he started telling her about his good-paying job and kept boasting about his super-duper life. But when the waitress finally arrived with the bill, asking how they’d choose to pay, he said what you should not expect in that situation: “Seperate, please!“ At that point she knew, that she did not want to meet a guy twice who is first poncy and then stingy.

But that was not the end of the story. He suddenly realized that he forgot his purse and only had 2 euros in his pocket. She had to pay his bill and since she did not wanna see him again, never got her money back.

So guys out there: Girls (at least in Germany) don’t generally expect to be treated to dinner, etc. on a date, but what we really don’t want to be forced to do is to pay for you! However, if you start talking about your great financial situation, you should be gentleman enough to pay for it all.

And if you want to treat us, you’d better tell us before the waitress arrives, so that no minute of silence comes up with the bill.

Don't forget to relax, stop and smell the roses. Photo from Pixabay.

The smell

Body odor can be something really attractive but also something really repelling. Make sure you don’t wear your jogging underpants and your last shower wasn’t three days ago. 😉 Jokes apart, besides body odor, artificial odor can also be really disturbing. A guy once told me that he knew it wasn’t going to work out with his date, the moment she got into his car and her strong, intrusive perfume poisoned the atmosphere in this vehicle as well as between them.

Remember: first impressions do count, so don't look unkempt. Photo from Pixabay.

The look

Most girls are wondering already two days prior what they should wear for the first date. Some of them even go shopping to be the best-dressed woman in the location where they have their date. But the truth is: You should not worry too much! You should dress the way you usually do and feel comfortable with (when not lying in the couch eating chips and watching TV). And furthermore your outfit should be appropriate.

I once had a first date with a guy I met on an online dating platform. We met in the park and since his picture online looked like he was a real business guy, I also dressed up the tough way. When he was finally standing in front of me, I felt ashamed for myself, but I also felt frendschämen (or embarrassed for him). He was wearing a sports outfit, combining old basketball shorts and an old training shirt. I wonder what he really thought about his style, but the only thing he did was to comment on my business style as being inappropriate for a date. 🙁 So just try to be safely average in everything you wear, and you will not be in a situation like that…

What experiences have you had on a first date?

What is most important to you? Don’t hesitate to share and discuss!

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How to show interest without being awkward or creepy

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Four types of singles tend to populate the dating world. Photo from https://pixabay.com.
Four types of singles tend to populate the dating world. Photo from https://pixabay.com.

How to best signal interest?

By LoveLy

Usually there are four types of singles:

…Those who are too shy to really send signals to the people they are interested in.

…Those who are really outgoing and have no problem showing interest, but since they are pretty talkative and approachable to many of us, we can’t be sure that we are someone special for them.

…Those who aren’t shy at all, but because of some missing sensibility they just approach too aggressively.

…And those somewhere out there who just manage to find the golden mean, and therefore soon will no longer be single.

This column will give you some tips on how to effectively show someone that you’d like to, uh, connect with them, and hopefully graduate from the singles’ club if that’s what you’re aiming for.

Avoiding #missed chances

Haven’t most of us experienced it sometime in our lives, that we really liked someone but somehow were afraid of getting pushed away, so we figured we’d better just kept our feelings to ourselves? A friend of mine has an old friend from school, whom she has had a little crush on for ages. But she never told him. For a few years he’s had a girlfriend who seems to be ok, but the relationship does not seem to be big love. When he visited my friend, I saw them interacting with each other and I could tell for sure that he also has some kind of crush on her. But she still does not want this to be stated between them, since he is already taken, and it has been going on like that for years.

Wouldn’t you also call that a missed chance? Why not tell the person you like that you do, if there seems to be some kind of special connection between you? That does not mean declaring your love, but just giving a little hint like, “Sometimes I have the impression that we would be a perfect match,” or “Sometimes I feel like you are someone really special to me.“ If they feel the same, it’s up to them to decide what they really want and/or if their current relationship is what they are really looking for. At least you will not have to admit to yourself that your shyness made you miss the beat.

Making sure that special someone feels special

All of us are special in our own way. But not all of us can be someone special for you! There are these nights out, where you happen to witness this guy walking through the club, starting to talk to a girl. She seems to feel honoured that he chose her, but somehow the electricity between them loses its power quite soon. While she needs time to digest the cognition that he is not the long-awaited frog turning into a prince, he is already on the homestretch towards the lady dancing next to him. After some hot and extensive dancing, they also seperate. And finally the special moment arrives. He finally recognizes me in the crowd. Longing looks, big grins, and closer he comes with every wink. But I actually don’t want him to do this! Who wants to be third choice? I guess most of us would not! Basically we all want to be that special someone or at least feel like we are. If you do really like someone and want to boost your chances, make sure you figure that out before and then just focus on that one special person. Everything else is likely to turn into a disaster.

Make sure someone feels special rather than your third choice or so. Photo from https://pixabay.com.
Make sure someone feels special rather than your third choice; and spare us cheesy pickup lines, please – just be honest but don’t forget courtesy. Photo from https://pixabay.com.

Overcoming lack of tact

“You look great. But I think without your glasses you would look even better!“ Have you heard pick-up lines like that, or have you even used them? Or even better: “I don’t think you need sugar in your coffee since you are already sweet as candy!“ Some might call that witty, I might just call it tactless.

In our modern world, we have overcome the romantic perception that only men should approach women. Many men would just love to be approached by a woman, but not so many women manage to bring themselves to do just that. As a result, women who do, don’t really need to figure out something extraordinary to say. Saying something not too stupid is just enough. The man of your choice will feel so honoured, that chances of being rejected are quite low. On the other hand, for the male species it’s much more complicated. After talking to many women about pick-up lines, I’ve detected a distinct tendency: The less special but the more genuine it is, less likely you are to be rejected. Just tell the center of your worship that she/he attracted your attention and you would like to get to know her/him. Period! A statement like that you can use in every situation; it simply tells the truth and it’s nothing you could offend anyone with. And the most courteous way to answer in the case of lack of interest, is the all-time favourite: “I’m sorry, but I’m already seeing someone else!“ In the end, no one will feel foolish, refused or mocked.

The post How to show interest without being awkward or creepy appeared first on The Leipzig Glocal.

How do you climb out of the throes of relationship limbo?

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Sunrise alone can turn into sunrise together in a relationship limbo situation. Photo from Pixabay.com.
Sunrise alone can turn into sunrise together in a relationship limbo situation. Photo from Pixabay.com.

Single, Mingle, Taken…?

By LoveLy

Your friend has been dating someone for weeks, but when you ask her if this is some official relationship by now, she just can’t tell… does that sound familiar to you? To me, it seems like half of all people dating have no clue of their actual relationship status. And I can say for sure, that I definitely do not like to be in a position like that and could highly imagine that most of us feel the same! So what is it all about?

Waiting for hard evidence

If you are wondering what your relationship status is, it is quite likely that you actually want to be in a serious relationship with that person. So you keep waiting for hard evidence or at least some little signs with high potential of interpretation. And you are convinced that waiting for these signs to clarify the situation is worth a lot, ’cause talking about your real intentions might ruin everything you’ve got together. After listening to many people’s relationship status reports, I would conclude that waiting some weeks is definitely reasonable and also recommendable. But those who waited for months usually turned out to be all on their own again after the topic had finally come up. Evidence is always in the eye of the beholder; to make it a hard one, talking is the only solution.

The excitement of uncertainty

Sometimes it seems like there are people who actually enjoy having some undefined “mingle-relation,” which could mean a lot but also basically nothing. Of course. It makes things more exciting and also more interesting, if you can’t be sure about anything and feel like you need to prove yourself over and over again. But isn’t that also too exhausting? What might be the advantages of a mingle status? The only ones I can find are based on the idea of having a polygamous lifestyle, not wanting a relationship with your sexual partner or not being able to have serious relationships at all. In my eyes, these are all facts we should communicate… or don’t you agree? If so, please let me and the other readers know!

There are lots of little signs that indicate whether the people in a relationship want to go from friend with benefits to full couple mode. Photo from Pixabay.com. How can you tell when a relationship is for real? Photo from Pixabay.com.

Nice little hints

But seriously, doesn’t it feel a lot better to put the cards on the table than to have that rather exciting uncertainty? There are so many nice little hints to let somebody know about your intention! Once, one special guy asked me if it was is possible to subscribe to me on a regular basis. Although this is not a straightforward clarification, it does reveal enough to clear things up. If performed with enough charm, your center of interest might also be delighted with a tiny little note asking: “Will you be mine? – Yes, -No, -Maybe :-).“ It’s a matter of fact that asking someone, “So tell me, are we in a relationship or not?!“ is not the most romantic and imaginative way and might sound a little off-putting. But being creative to clear things up is definitely worth a try, and might upgrade you from “mingle” into “taken” within seconds.

Have you had any funny, disturbing or creative experiences in this topic? Please share it!

The post How do you climb out of the throes of relationship limbo? appeared first on The Leipzig Glocal.

Dating a daddy

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Leipzig is a bubbly town with a high quality of life. We have a historical old town, many parks, beautiful lakes nearby, numerous cultural offerings, affordable lovely flats, an excessive nightlife selection, lots of opportunities for sport and exercise and a fairly mixed gender and age structure. Also typically Leipzig: all the playgrounds in this town are filled with kids! Sounds just perfect, doesn´t it? Well, it would be, except about one third of their parents are no longer together. This is the point, where a huge problem for singles comes into play… childless Leipzig singles may often not be able to avoid dating mommies and daddies!

The perfect guy with a little restriction

Just imagine you meet this really cute guy, who seems to be the perfect match for you. It is a warm, cozy summer day, the sun is shining and you are lying on a blanket just next to the river, enjoying each other’s company, having good talks and trying to get to know each other on a personal level. You agree with pretty much everything he says, you find you have a lot in common, you just enjoy looking into his smiling face, which seems to magically attract you. After a while you start talking about the negative experiences you have had on former dates. One point you mention is that in your experience all the good ones are already married with kids. His answer to that is something you aren’t sure you really heard and want to hear it again— or not! He is a divorcé and also has two kids! And the best part is that he adds: “But that does not negatively effect any future relationship!”

Not a problem?!

Good to know that these young divorcé daddies consider their lives to be the same as any other single man’s! Why should their child/ren be a problem for their new girlfriend? They are just cute little human beings who require some attention and need to be loved. That’s true, in fact, but your potential new girlfriend wants the same! And one thing you are not looking for at the beginning of a relationship, is having to share the person of your interest! Spending days and nights together, forgetting about everything happening around you, enjoying physical and emotional closeness, enjoying just having found each other… that’s what you want at the beginning of a relationship!

The naked truth

When you’re dating a daddy it’s more like this: phones need to be turned on, otherwise you might miss an important call! Sleepovers are hard to navigate because he must get up early to take his kids to Kindergarten. Spending the weekend together is likely impossible because he needs or wants to spend the afternoon with his daughter. Dropping in spontaneously for an intimate encounter would not be a good idea because his kids could pop in at any minute. Going dancing together on a night out seems complicated because he might then not be fit enough for the soccer date with his son the next day. A romantic holiday together is something you hope for, but his daughter needs to accompany you because she has got vacation. Do you notice anything? There is just too much BECAUSE going on. And these BECAUSES are not just a figment of my imagination, they were all based on people’s real life experiences.

This column is not about protecting you from experiencing the same. It is just a reflection of reality. All the mommies and daddies out there should be aware, that having a child does influence a new relationship a lot. And not only in a positive way! Dating someone with kids means cutting back on many things. This is something both sides should consider. Being honest about your status and being able to find a good balance between a new partner and kids is something indispensable under these circumstances!

If anyone wants to share her/his experiences with this topic or is burning to give some advice, just share it!

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The lure of open relationships

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Love locks. Image from Pixabay.

From a young age, sex and sexuality both fascinated me and racked me with guilt.

I grew up in a culture marked by chronic jealousy and possessiveness, sexism and double standards, oppression and moral hypocrisy, and permissiveness behind closed doors, on special occasions such as carnaval and in entertainment for the masses. The female presenters of children’s TV shows wore micro or super-tight outfits. Other TV shows warned us of the dangers of sex, the AIDS acronym flashing across the screen. It was not ok to go topless, but it was ok to wear a G-string at the beach. The national idol for a while was a peroxide blonde whose sole claim to fame was the ability to gyrate her abundant, perfectly round ass. We were singing heavily sexual parodies of famous songs by the tender age of eight, and doing the “bottle dance” by age twelve. Many of the girls I knew in school had been playing “doctor” with their little boyfriends, others I met as teenagers kept a log of how many boys they’d kissed in one night. But our boyfriends, even after age eighteen, were not allowed to sleep over, or us at their place. Meanwhile, almost all the women I knew had been cheated on, and the understanding was that we should keep our men on a tight leash to prevent the same thing happening to us.

More than 15 years after I’d left Brazil, I found myself sitting with a male acquaintance at a restaurant during a trip, dissecting my latest romantic misadventure. Minor infidelity, habitual little lies, mind games and major jealousy had eroded the relationship beyond repair. I hated myself for repeating neurotic behaviors I’d vowed, time and time again, never to repeat, compounded by my passive-aggressive partner’s use of my jealousy and insecurity as a weapon against me. My acquaintance, a sociologist who’d grown up in southern Africa, had chosen to opt out of the monogamous relationship model: He and whatever partner he was with at the time were allowed to see whomever else they pleased, without having to give any explanation; not talking about it was actually preferred. It’d been like this since his early days of dating.

“I can’t understand why people continue to submit to this outdated, 19th-century idea of relationships,” he told me during our long conversation. “Monogamy is against our nature.”

How much heartache could be avoided, I pondered, if people could just own up to the fact they don’t want or cannot bring themselves to be faithful to one partner? Why not just be honest about it to the partner, like this guy had been doing? Still, he tried hard but did not succeed at converting this serial monogamist to his practice. The idea, however, stuck to me even as I hit rock-bottom during the last days of yet another failed relationship and immediately started another. I longed to get rid of my jealousy once and for all, perhaps by trying something that to me would be “extreme,” with the added benefit of allowing myself and my new partner to freely explore other horizons if we wanted to.

It turns out this is a relatively hot issue, with lots of resources online for the curious like me. I began to read many articles about “open relationships,” its possible advantages and disadvantages, its different types, the boundaries, rules and social acceptance. But despite my enduring attraction to the idea, and even saying it out loud to my new partner, I couldn’t put it into action. A line I found recently in an article that appeared on Salon regarding the topic really resonated with me, because that’s what I feel the main obstacle for me has been (besides the fear of contracting an STD):

“In my situation, it was less that I felt my relationship… was threatened and more that I felt my own confidence, or rather my relationship with myself, was threatened,” wrote the autor, Gabrielle Robin. “What I doubted was not his love of me but my own desirability and my worthiness to be loved. Personal issues that powerful wouldn’t disappear simply by requiring complete monogamy.”

When discussing open relationships, I encountered diverse scenarios among people I know. There were cases where only one partner pursued other sexual encounters, and the other was ok with it; where they’d discussed it and were open to the idea, but hadn’t yet tried it; where one would like to suggest it to the other, but thought the other would be too insecure to want to try it; where the person had tried an open relationship and then decided never to be in a monogamous relationship again; where the swinging couple had done it throughout their marriage; and where the couple had decided that they would admit to each other whenever they were powerfully attracted to someone else, but quash every such impulse, because they thought there was more worth in self-control than in indulgence.

I am currently in a happy monogamous relationship, and don’t think I could be comfortable with trying an open relationship until being able to work out the issues I know I have with myself, and with sex. What are your thoughts? Have you tried it before? Would you try it? What do your friends say about it? Would you recommend it to others?

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How feminism killed romantic love

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Gillian Anderson stars in the British series “The Fall,” shown also on German TV, as Stella Gibson. Photo licensed under Wikimedia Commons.

By Katarina Ristic*

Popular culture has remained chained with the image of women in romantic love as a role model for female sexuality, while departures from that role usually depict dysfunctional or destroyed women. A list of films celebrating women’s love as absolute (sexual) dedication to the loved one is endless, while women who fail to fit the romantic love model are portrayed as social outcasts, driven to suicide, insanity or self-destruction (Splendor in the Grass, Anna Karenina, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Indecent Proposal, Bitter Moon, Dangerous Liaisons, Misery). Most often it is not rejection, but the inability to fulfill demands of romantic love that destroys them. Cases where women are presented with more sexual choice usually depict dysfunctional women, like Samantha in Sex and the City.

But another trend is gradually emerging, and two examples point nicely to it. First is the UK series The Fall – Tod in Belfast where Stella Gibson (police investigator) picks up a young policeman solely for sex, rejecting any further emotional commitment (she doesn’t respond to his SMS messages and other invitations to engage into emotions; it’s strictly physical). Second is the German TV show Wilsberg, which portrays Hauptkomessarin Anna Springer as having a similar attitude – she abruptly ends a dinner in which Wilsberg proposes a romance (for the record, she does ask if he means also going to bed together, and when he tacitly downplays the sex, she says she unfortunately has to go). Where she actually goes, we find out a little bit later – she had a “date” with a call-boy, as she obviously prefers good sex with a young, good-looking nobody to a romantic relationship with a friend.

This reveals a new and before now, at least in popular culture, unknown pattern of women’s sexuality: that women are, just as man have always been, able to distinguish between sex and love, and that sex for women can entail a portion of physical enjoyment regardless of emotions she may or may not have for the partner. A physical relationship that involves sex doesn’t mean she has to submit or devote herself emotionally, and, more importantly, her world remains intact regardless of his emotions for her. The connection between women’s emotions and sexual pleasure, similarly to emotions and children, glorified as “women’s nature,” serves as a means of subjection. Once internalized, it turns into self-regulation for two relations essential for maintaining patriarchy: to husband and to children. Ideological work becomes clear from the impossibility to think, let alone act (and survive) any other scenario. Women, claims the romantic-love model, cannot be happy, fulfilled and whole unless absolutely devoted to children and partner.

This de-disciplination of women’s sexuality is everything but insignificant. It establishes women as full and complete (subjects) without men’s approval, emotional support or need to belong. Her life doesn’t revolve around the ideal partner; it is constructed around different focuses (career, friends, art, fun) and physical attraction. Physical needs are, rather, a simple addition, one she is absolutely capable of managing, deciding and acting upon decision, without being seduced or destroyed by developing unbearable feelings.

Interestingly, the actual relationship between sex and romantic love is not clear, although it is presumed to be perfect. Whether it really is, we will never know, since she is so preoccupied or traumatized with the possibility that he does (not) love her, that films end before she might engage in evaluating sexual life – the very moment of his acceptance is at the same time the culmination and the end of the film. If it lasts longer, we see our heroine with children, completely occupied with her maternal role, another asexual projection of patriarchy-acceptable behavior.

Feminism for long time pleaded for the equality of men and women, but it wasn’t always clear what this equality would entail in terms of sexual relationships. The fact that half a century has passed before popular culture picked up on this theme doesn’t of course mean that this kind of relationship was unknown or not lived before – it just marks the moment when it can be socially acknowledged, admitted and accepted, with its proper name, characteristics, and role models.

But one should not be too optimistic – both (single) women from the TV shows mentioned above end up explaining and justifying themselves, for doing something obviously problematic. Stella Gibson’s behavior is strongly criticized by her (happily) married boss, who by the way suffered tremendously after having an affair with Gibson a few years earlier; and Detective Springer also has to explain why she would do “something like that.” Here is her explanation: “Keine Zeit für Beziehung! Keine Lust auf schlechtes Sex, und Morgen Frühstuck machen.” Simple as that!

*Katarina Ristic is a researcher at University Magdeburg, working on media, memory, transitional justice and human rights. Coming from Belgrade, Serbia she is mainly interested in former Yugoslavia and post-conflict justice. After six years in Leipzig, she decided to get involved with German media, detective TV shows being the first entry point. Now she is passionate follower of Mord mit Aussicht, Ein starkes Team, Tatort, Wilsberg, Held, etc., following the ‘”fake it till you make it” model of integration.

…Other #Dating articles…

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#LOVEzig: homeLE #kisstagram contest

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kisstagramphoto: pixabay

by maeshelle and Stew Tunnicliff

Everyone looks better when they are kissing, right? And for sure they FEEL better. So, what could be better than looking for kissable things? Here’s your chance to do just that and win a prize at the same time.

HomeLE is offering a pair of tickets to their Valentine’s party. They’d like you to post a #kisstagram on homeLE’s fb page or instagram with #homele. Show the world what or who you love by taking a snap of you kissing it or them. Deadline: 7 Feb. The two with the most likes win. #kisstagram winners also win an original RafsArt piece complete with 5 line poem.

HomeLE is a lot like being at home. “Some people even consider taking their shoes off when they enter because they feel like they’ve entered a living room.” says founder Maike. It’s like home, but you don’t have to make dinner or do the dishes. How perfect is that? You can focus on just spending quality low pressure time together.

And they are pulling out all the stops to make a romantic atmosphere with local Argentinian pop artist Edu Lopez performing live. “(Edu’s) music fits perfectly to the romantic mood of Valentine’s Day. His songs are so emotional and a lot of them are about love. When I heard him play here in Leipzig I was just amazed by his voice. I could have listened to him all evening.”

Not long ago Kapuczino interviewed Edu. Since most of his songs are in English, Kapuczino asked him what they were about. His answer: They are love songs, meaning songs that tell a story about love that have happened to me over the course of time. In high school, I liked a girl when I was 15 or so, and that’s when I wrote my first song. Then there’ve been so many personal stories that I turned into songs, but also stories that I’ve seen other people encounter or tell. Sometimes I write the lyrics first, and the song is waiting in the drawer until the right melody pops up. However, most of the time it just falls into place when I pick up the guitar and start playing.

read the whole interview

Valentine´s Special: Edu Lopez in concert!Sunday, February 14

Home LE Georg-Schumann Str. 130 7:30 p.m.

Only 30 tickets available 5€/3€ on Accesito. or at the door if not sold out in advance.

The post #LOVEzig: homeLE #kisstagram contest appeared first on The Leipzig Glocal.

#MyLeipzig #LOVEzig: Love at first sight?

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Our guest writer Elizabeth Ferguson talks about her feelings for Leipzig and Paris. Was it love at first sight? Read and find out. (Part of our #LOVEzig special series leading up to Valentine’s Day next Sunday.)

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Leipzig’s Riquet Café, photo Maeshelle West-Davies

By Elizabeth Ferguson

Admittedly, it has been many years since I have really been in Paris, since spending time in the Air France airport lounge staring at the tarmac cannot qualify. Walking along Montmartre watching artists paint, getting lost in tiny alleys around the Opera house, or smelling the stench of Metro stations near the Seine: that’s my Paris. Albeit I was young during my high school exchange there, I do recall a certain emotional stirring, and after visiting at least four other major European cities in three other counties, I can’t say that any other city brought back echos of those adventures. That is, not until my first visit to Leipzig.

When I arrived in Leipzig, people asked me if I had fallen in love with it on my first visit, or told me about it evoking this emotional connection causing them to fall in love with it. I did not particularly understand this reaction. I do not necessarily form emotional attachments to buildings or streets. My connectedness in Germany (associated in Frankfurt with being near my mother’s family) came from having support and people who cared about me. It came from understanding and fitting into the cultural values and framework of my heritage, much more so than I was ever able to connect with the Parisiennes, since I never understood the philosophical esotericism or dark cynical view I associated with Sartre.

However, the image of Paris being this place of awakening emotion and learning to live has long been explored in literature and cinema. In Sabrina, Audrey Hepburn says, “[Paris} is for changing your outlook… For throwing open the windows and letting in ‘la vie en rose’”. That song, I admit, I also never understood, and if I were to make a list of my most emotionally evoking songs from French culture, it would not be on it. What is it that brings about this emotional awakening? If merely a contrast in the European laissez-faire lifestyle, why are the other major European cities like Amsterdam, Frankfurt, Munich, and London, not described with the same passion, the same essence of emotional awakening?

During my first month in Leipzig, a friend asked me if Leipzig reminded me of Paris, and I admitted the few moments where I had noticed similar moments in the city’s layout which evoked those early memories from Paris. All of this was before I was aware of Leipzig’s reputation as “Little Paris”, apparently a designation given by Goethe himself. However, after centuries of change, how can a city which was destitute just 30 years ago evoke these strong emotional reactions, the like of which I only see in people’s encounters with Paris?

One day on a long walk through the winding parks of Leipzig, I rounded a corner as I approached the city center and had a moment of awe. Ahead was a monumental architectural gem made of stones that were bigger than me. Was it the contrast of landscape and sky? Goethe was not the 18th century German writer which came to mind, but Kant, who argued that while feelings of enjoyment are subjective, there is a difference in quality between the mere enjoyment of something of beauty and a reaction towards the sublime which evokes enjoyment with horror – whether it is melancholy or quiet wonder.

Perhaps these moments which the city creates in its layout, its landscape and architecture have qualities which Paris has as well, reaching a deeper level of emotion. Historically, Leipzig was also a centre of culture for Germanic countries, and in its modern form boasts rich artistic communities and heritage, and has been home to many of the world’s prolific and renowned contributors to the evolution of music. Perhaps these elements all lend themselves to the overall aura of Leipzig, making the layers of impact monumental.

Not to mention the intricate maze-like structure of Hofs, which could make Leipzig the next ideal place for romance to happen when ducking out of the rain. Sabrina said that Paris was never to be explored carrying an umbrella. However, I’ve experienced romance in three of Germany’s major cities, but never Paris, so I cannot vouch for its reputation as the most romantic city in the world.

The post #MyLeipzig #LOVEzig: Love at first sight? appeared first on The Leipzig Glocal.


FUNkyFRIdayz #LOVEzig: get those hips moving

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It’s that time of the week and DJ Buti has chosen a very special mix by Skor Rokswell, who will be playing at the #FUNkyFRIdayzLAUNCHparty on 26 FEB. It’s a tribute to J Dilla. 10 years after his Feburary death, it has become a DJ tradition in the hip hop scene and, as usual, this one’s  guaranteed to get you to that very special place….love.

by DJ Buti

“This… is not just an all Dilla episode as the tradition demands, it comes with a guest feature of my man, Raminski, from Movement Radio/Kiel. Turn it up!” Skor Rokswell.

J Dilla mixes in the month of February have always represented love and unity and, most importantly, a commemoration of one the greatest DJs and music producers that has ever lived. Skor Rokswell takes us on his journey of “Dillary” and I was particularly impressed by the track selection. Skor Rokswell plays songs J Dilla produced for Slum Village, Common and many other influential artists in the Industry. A mix to chill to. A mix to vibe to. From start to finish the articulacy and precision Skor Rokswell uses is just perfect to spread the love on Valentines Day.

“Dont sell yourself to fall in love because sometimes you got to do right,” a J Dilla song quotes.

I could quote Dilla songs the whole day relevant to the month of February but I would rather have you hear it yourself.

The post FUNkyFRIdayz #LOVEzig: get those hips moving appeared first on The Leipzig Glocal.

Date ideas for every day of the week

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Some days already feel like spring… so it can’t be too far off, despite the snow today… right? Don’t want to wait til the weekend to get next to that potential someone special? Here are some comprehensive date ideas for every day of the week, now that it’s not so cold and not so warm. Keep in mind that these are things I’d personally enjoy doing and have tried out myself or heard about from friends – someone else may tell you something completely different, of course.

Monday: 

It’s a good evening to explore the east side of town, in a chilled-out way, before you decide if you want to take it up a notch and extend the date into trying out your pipes together. Say what? Yes. Start out by going to get a burger and drink at the Biergarten/bar Substanz (as long as it’s not too crowded – if it’s too crowded, you can try the Brauereilokal Hopfenspeicher nearby). If you get there at or shortly after 6 p.m., when they open, that will give you more than an hour for a warm-up and chat before heading to the movie theater. (I’m still a fan of the movie theater date. Though you shouldn’t talk during the movie, the experience provides an opportunity to “accidentally” touch your date and a topic to discuss afterwards.) Regina Palast, a mere 500 meters away from Substanz, shows new releases in English every Monday at 8 p.m. – so you can check out our list of movie showtimes in the original ahead of time to see what’s on. Monday is also *drumroll*… karaoke night in Leipzig. So for after the movie, you can choose between Zum Kakadu and Flowerpower – both close to the city center – if you want to put your (singing) pipes to work, have some fun into the later hours, and witness some funny, weird, random stuff going on.

Tuesday:

Want a more, say, upscale date? Head over to the super-chic, but not all-around-pricey, Chocolate (Bar Grill Dinnerclub) for a large array of drinks and a food menu that includes steak and burger samplers (which is what caught my eye)… plus some non-meat items, I’m sure. From 8:30 p.m. on Tuesdays, you can find live jazz in the basement of the nearby café/restaurant Telegraph, where I personally spent one of my most pleasant evenings in Leipzig. You can look at the Jazzclub Live calendar to see what’s coming up at Telegraph and elsewhere in town holding live jazz sessions – and other lively music – for the coming weeks.

Wednesday:

If you’re in the mood for experiencing some art & culture with your date, Wednesdays are a good day for it. The Gallery for Contemporary Art (GfZK) offers free admission every Wednesday, and is open until 7 p.m.; other museums in Leipzig offer free entry on select Wednesdays each month, while some others are always free (you can look that up on our “museum days for free” list). If you get a chance, be sure to stop by the Gallery’s Café bau bau for a before- or after-chat and coffee and cake together – a suggestion of our events expert Marjon. You can extend the evening by walking over to the famous Moritzbastei (700 meters away) for some drinks and whatever they’ve got on that particular night (they’ve got a packed music and nightlife calendar).

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Thursday:

My favorite day of the week for “happy hour” is Thursday – getting pumped up for Friday and the weekend, but not quite there yet. So you can start earlier, and take your date to Karl-Liebknecht-Str. (Karli). You can get discounts on drinks at more than one spot on Karli: like 4.50 euros for any cocktail at tiefblau and two cocktails for the price of one at La Boum. After hanging out at the “happy hour” place for a couple hours, if you have no set plan, you can decide whether to end the date there or go on to dinner (good for a first date when you don’t yet know the person and are not sure how it could go). You have lots of options for food in the same area of Karli: like Acapulco for Mexican, Pata Negra for Spanish tapas and Safran for Indian. If the date’s going really well, you can go watch a movie or show and have another drink at die naTo a few steps away.

Friday: 

How about an evening of performing arts… in Lindenau? maeshelle, our #ArtsAndCulture editor, suggests you choose among a concert or play at Neues Schauspiel, a musical or operetta at Musikalische Komödie, or a dance performance at The Lofft to take your date to. You can have a drink at any of those places and also nice food at The Lofft, or go to Café Westen for dinner and drinks.

Saturday: 

maeshelle and I recommend that you start your date early and go to Spinnerei in Plagwitz, where art galleries open at 11 a.m. and stay open until at least 3 p.m. You may want to try Kunstkraftwerk afterwards for some more culturally diverse exhibits – when there’s an exhibit on, it’s open until 6 p.m.  When you’re finished gallery-browsing, head over to Karl-Heine-Str. for something sweet at Café Albert, or walk a little farther to Café KH70 for what maeshelle calls “the best French fries in town… with mango curry sauce.” If you don’t want the date to end (perhaps ever, because this can turn into a marathon), you can go to Schaubühne Lindenfels for a live performance or movies, and drinks and some more food (in case you’re still hungry). For yummy cocktails and a kissy cozy atmosphere: Go to Tacoholics. The people working there can recommend you a party to go to if you’re not ready to take your date home yet.

Sunday:

Hopefully you’ll be waking up next to your date by now – if not, you can still meet up for brunch. My recommendation is Alex in the city center – plenty of breakfast and lunch food for a very reasonable price. maeshelle’s recommendation is Stelzenhaus in Plagwitz, “where they just keep bringing out different types of food – it’s great… and it’s classy.” But there are many places offering brunch in town, and some people I know also like Luise, for example. If you’d like something to do other than going back to bed and watching a movie online, check out the Opera – they’ve always got something on.

What would your recommendations be? Please leave them in the comments section! Would be nice to have other tips on different areas of town and totally different activities.

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The importance of kissing

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Our dating columnist on Leipglo wonders if one should settle for a prince without kissing skills or keep looking for that perfect lip lock.
Source: http:// www.pixabay.com, provided by LoveLy

The importance of kissing

By LoveLy

Do you remember your first kiss? Of course you do! You’d probably been longing for it for ages, and when this special moment finally came, you were just so nervous over possibly messing it up, that you actually could not really enjoy it… am I right? 🙂

You must admit that things have changed a lot since then.

Now kissing is so much more sensual, demanding, stimulating and filled with expectations. Kisses can create a lot of intimacy, they help to evoke feelings, they are harbingers of love.

Or they can do just the opposite.

Minus plus minus makes…???

Some time ago I met a man whom I felt really attracted to. I liked the way he looked, I liked his smell, I liked his voice, I just seemed to like everything about him. But I wasn’t so sure if he also liked me. In this state of uncertainty I was pretty choleric and emotional, because all I wanted at that moment was for him to feel the same about me. And all my prayers finally succeeded. He contacted me and we went on a date.

During the hours we spent together that day, everything just felt so right. There was this high tension between us, which basically pulled us together like magnets. But just on a really basic level. Small touches, little body contact and lots of longing glances. There seemed to be no urge to quicken things up, so it proceeded like that for several more dates.

Our dating columnist on Leipglo wonders if one should settle for a prince without kissing skills or keep looking for that perfect lip lock.
Source: http:// www.pixabay.com, provided by LoveLy

Finally, after two weeks of dating, the special moment came and we decided to seize it. Our lips also learned to use their magnetic attraction and blazed the trail towards each other. Tingling, tension, edginess and desire all came together in this long-awaited moment. I felt his lips touching mine, our lips started to communicate, our tongues moved towards each other….. and I started to realize that this is totally not what I had expected. No, it was so much different, it was just a….. total disaster! Suddenly it seemed as if the magnetic charge of our lips was antithetical, like two minus poles trying desperately, and to no avail, to find the right point of contact.

Despite all efforts, our lips couldn’t find harmony, they were just not made for each other. My mind was just filled with the idea, that this Mr. Perfect could not kiss! And guess what?! He started telling me that my kissing behaviour was strange to him. For me that was the end of this romantic connection. For him that reaction was so not reasonable.

The mystery without a key

An interesting phenomenon followed, and made me wonder. How come this unsatisfactory kissing made me lose all my feelings for him at once, but made him still be interested in me? Is it about the difference between men and women in general or is it just a personal attitude? Is it something beyond nature that wants to prove to us that some people are just not made for each other?

Is there a scientific explanation?

Our dating columnist on Leipglo wonders if one should settle for a prince without kissing skills or keep looking for that perfect lip lock.
Source: http:// www.pixabay.com, provided by LoveLy

Studies have revealed that women consider kissing much more important than men. So possibly men don’t lose interest in a woman just because of terrible kissing behaviour, whereas women often just cut things short in that case. An even more scientific solution to this question is the following: through kissing, a sensory examination of taste, sound and smell ensues. On the basis of these we decide whether we want to kiss somebody again or not.

The upshot is: Kissing seems to be a really complex action. And I almost get the impression that finding someone you like to kiss is almost like winning the lottery. But what if you do not enjoy the rub of the green? Should you just try to manage your expectations, or is it better to stay alone until the right kiss comes along? I cant’t find an answer to that question! But maybe you can? Then please share it!

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10 songs for the beginning of a relationship

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Ah, the flutter. The excitement. The addiction. Inspired by our dating column, I decided to dig into my memory in search of what to play for different moods or situations in the early stages of a relationship or fling. Remember the rush… or are you experiencing this at the moment?

I’m not saying you should necessarily play these songs to your romantic prospect – though you certainly can if you want to. But if you’ve just found a hot little number, it could perhaps give you some inspiration or extra sighs or tingling spells when thinking about it. Or evoke bittersweet memories. Or perhaps some of the songs will make you cringe. Actually, it’s very likely they will.

Forgive me if the list is 90’s-heavy. It’s just because back then, in my teenage years, I had lots of crushes (a different one every week, I would say), and would find songs for almost all of them. Some of the songs still remind me of those short-lived dalliances that had a lot more to do with myself than with the boys on the other end. Those poor boys often had no idea they were running through my head all day, chased by some bad pop song.

All you need is a love song

1. For the blind admiration


2. For the forbidden romance


3. For the rebound


4. For the coffeeshop pickup


And once you’re in there…


5. For the fall


6. For the relationship talk


Creative moves, anyone?


7. For the indecent proposal


8. For the booty call


9. For the clouded infatuation


10. For the unexpected hookup at the club


If you think anything else should be added to this list, give us a shout (and link) in the comments section.

“I’ve been so many places in my life and time. I’ve sung a lot of songs, I’ve made some bad rhymes. I’ve acted out my life on stages, with ten thousand people watching… but we’re alone now and I’m singing this song for you.” – Playing in my head as sung by Karen Carpenter.

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Intercultural relationships

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Last weekend I visited a university friend, who is pregnant and is going to get married today. I feel so happy for her, since she’d been looking for the perfect match for ages, always dating guys being interested in loose relationships only. She and her fiancé now seem to be that perfect match at first sight, but seeing behind the curtain made me wonder if intercultural relationships have a rougher ride than those within one culture.

Here is what gave me food for thought:

My friend is what you would call a stickler for order. Her place is always nice and clean, even the cushions on her bed are arranged by colours. She seems to spend a lot of time cleaning her apartment and making sure everything’s neat and accurate. Meanwhile, her Arabic fiancé seems to be the total opposite of her. His apartment is what you could almost call a squalid lodging. Order and tidiness seem to be unknown words in his surroundings.

I feel I can speak for the majority of German ladies, and say that this place is not where we’d wanna stay. Even my friend… she prefers to spend their quality time at her place.

It wouldn’t be a problem at all, if they weren’t planning to move in together next month and get a baby at the end of the year! I can see future trouble in the air… and these circumstances made me think if this is just about the difference between men and women or between slobs and perfectionists, or if it is about the difference among diverse cultures.

Do these relationships demand more compromise or is it just an assumption at first view?

Is it possible to compromise on a reasonable level without losing too much of your own identity, religion, habits and culture, or do they have to live two different lives with particular moments they share? And do these relationships still have a harder time being accepted by their respective cultural environments?

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On the other hand, I imagined their expected child as a really cute girl with a mixture of the best genes of both (do you know any kid with intercultural parents who is not extremely cute?), being able to speak at least two languages when entering primary school, being flexible and social with her fellows since her background made her tolerant above the average.

All of us know the well-known saying “Love does not know any boundaries”. In general that’s true, but what happens when love turns into routine and familiarity? Do intercultural boundaries tend to be a higher hurdle than the usual ones? Since I have not come to the point where love turns into routine with an intercultural partner, I would like to ask you!

What experiences have you had? Was or is your mixed relationship experiencing a harder time than the mono-culture ones? And what benefits have you noticed?

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Fighting creatively for love and career abroad

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I’d say many of us know how difficult a long-distance relationship can be. Part of being a “nomad” is getting the chance to meet lots of people in different places, and maybe finding love in the process.

We really want to hold on to this love, but it takes so much.

This includes having to find a job that can feed us and hopefully also fulfill us. Preferably, in the same city as our love. (What are the odds?)

Eva and Wolfram are going through this. They are living on separate continents at the moment, but their story gives hope to lovebirds from all over.

Eva and Wolfram fell in love during her exchange and backpacking in Europe. Photo courtesy of Eva Lee.
Eva and Wolfram. Photo courtesy of Eva Lee.

Eva came from Taiwan to the Netherlands as an exchange student in 2014. As many of us also choose to do – especially after coming from so far away and wanting to make the most of every minute – she did a bit of backpacking around Europe.

She managed to visit 13 countries in six months.

In Germany, Eva found the chance to combine travel with one of her passions, and went to the Munich Lindy Exchange festival. This is what allowed Eva and Wolfram to cross paths, as they are “both swing dancers,” Eva reveals, adding: “We have been dating since.”

The story continues with Eva visiting Wolfram here in Leipzig, where he’s from:

“He showed me around his city, a lovely place with graffiti, beautiful architecture, forest and parks across the whole town, rivers and canals. It feels like a vibrant city that mixes the old and new, nature and buildings, and most of all: friendly people and a relaxed yet ‘always something going on’ atmosphere.”

Feinkost in Leipzig Südvorstadt. Photo courtesy of Eva Lee.
Feinkost Leipzig. Photo courtesy of Eva Lee.

She was hooked, but had to go back home to finish her Master’s.

Wolfram followed her a while later and they spent six months together in one place. As their bond intensified, his visa also expired.

Once again, the heart-breaking obstacle of distance reared its ugly head. In their case, a head 9,000 km long.

Besides wanting to be with Wolfram in Leipzig specifically, Eva just doesn’t like the work culture in Taipei:

“People and companies value working much more than living. Working 10 hours a day is really common, and a lot of people are asked to even work more than that. This is not the life I want to live.”

Leipzig city center. Photo courtesy of Eva Lee.
Leipzig city center. Photo courtesy of Eva Lee.

She’s a social media and digital project manager and has been applying for jobs in Germany for several months, without getting through. So she decided to channel her creativity and love into a video and website she hopes will finally reach people who can help her realize her dream of living and working here, and recognize the assets she can bring into their company.

Eva loves the career she’s chosen, and has been growing it with some impressive results.

She “founded the most popular Chinese poetry Facebook page, with more than 210,000 fans,” she says; this led to an art brokering stint and the chance “to refine my skills in social media marketing and brand management.”

Her boyfriend Wolfram has been doing his part by reaching out on the web, spreading her video and promoting her talents.

He wrote to LeipGlo, and that’s how I heard about Eva’s efforts and asked to learn more.

They are happy to share Eva’s story, and ask everyone to spread her video.

“I hope the website and video help me gain some opportunities, to reach out to and connect with creative people,” Eva says. “All I need is a chance to show what I can do!”


evalee

To learn more about Eva Lee, visit http://evalee.fabelfabrik.de/.

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Ideas for hot Leipzig dates in winter

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We’ve suggested you romantic dates for summer and dating itineraries for each day of the week. Now it’s time to tackle winter, which can be a bit trickier – what with slippery sidewalks and times when it snows sideways and into your face. It’s perhaps not so easy to meet people or want to make the effort to carve a romantic connection (or even a path to the bar). But once you’ve obtained the willpower, the digits and the guts, how do you get “Hottie of the Season” to leave the house and share some of their warmth with you?

Here are some ideas for winter-time dates to get you on your way to certain bliss here in frozen – but still grungily sexy – Leipzig.

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Snow walk at Clara Zetkin Park: Note that it’s not “slush walk” or “ice walk.” There should be real snow, of the kind that stays on the ground for a while, rather than a muddy, soggy mess that could kill all romance (e.g. having to concentrate not to fall on your ass, rather than on each other’s words). With that said, a snow walk in the park could be a magical experience under the right conditions, your personal winter wonderland. Be smart and survey the scene beforehand. You get extra points if some flakes, though not too many, are still falling as you walk through with Hottie… preferably holding hands.

Jazz evening: This one is good for dates happening any season, but perhaps especially attractive in winter. To me, sax and winter simply go together somehow. A jazz night out combines a dapple of sophistication with the chance for a nice buzz that may bring you physically closer to each other. Be it a music- or alcohol-induced buzz, or both, it should be just in the right measure so you can still be charming and witty (meaning not too loud and not too drunk). It’s hard to go wrong with live jazz, and you’re in luck: There are regular performances in Leipzig. Check out the Jazzblub Live calendar to see who’s playing where and when.

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Movie theaters that double as bars: I am purposely staying away from theater shows and formal music concerts in this post, because I think you should be able to talk to each other as much as possible during the wooing stage. The only exception would be watching a movie (in silence, please) for a maximum of two hours, with also a nice bar in the venue where you can chill before and/or after your date. For this, I recommend either die naTo in Südvorstadt or Schaubühne Lindenfels in Plagwitz. A plus is that they often play movies in the original version. Another is that there’s plenty to do around both of them if you want to venture out there and keep extending your date. There are enough events going on to be spontaneous but not at a loss.

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Dancing cheek-to-cheek: There are so many opportunities for couple dancing these days in Leipzig. You can even make the dancing date into regular dates if you decide to take lessons together. But maybe first you’d like to dip your toe in during an evening, and see where it leads. Salsa Tobar, for one, organizes salsa nights on Fridays at Chocolate and Saturdays at Varadero. Barfusz holds a salsa course and party every Wednesday. Salsa Panda gives both salsa and bachata lessons, and is involved in throwing dance and music parties around town via CoraSon Latino. There seems to be a salsa mania going on in Leipzig, but if you prefer other dances, you could try out swing. I heard about SwingConnection from a LeipGlo guest writer who really enjoys the group; they teach lessons as well as organize events, such as Minor Swing every Wednesday at Noels Ballroom. Noels also hosts lindy hop and shag lessons each week. Not into dancing? You can also just watch, and still get some sensual energy flowing.

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Ice-skating: It can be fun, and even romantic, if you’ve got the proper clothes and a minimum sense of balance. If one is a better ice-skater than the other, it can also be nice, because hand- and arm-holding will probably be required to remain vertical. (Though, after a while, that can get tiring too.) I know that Eisarena in Taucha is open for public ice-skating in autumn and winter. There’s also an ice-skating rink at Augustusplatz, open 13 January-5 March – along with other winter-themed attractions popping up in the city center.

Vernissages: Art, special events, artist talks, and sometimes free wine and snacks are available at these exhibit openings. An opportunity to broaden horizons, and to impress Hottie by having read up online on the exhibit beforehand. Hopefully Hottie is not an art connoisseur who will call your bluff. In that case, just let Hottie do the talking and imbibe their words. Check out our Openings and Premieres page to get a sense of what’s coming up in Leipzig.

Got any ideas yourself for hot dates in winter? Let us know in the comments section!

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Love is a many splendored thing

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Maybe it’s not a big deal in Germany, but I grew up with Valentine’s Day. If I’m honest, it does bother me that I won’t be getting special attention from a significant other. And even though I don’t consider myself a girlie girl, I do love a good romance.

That’s why I think Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to cuddle up with some chocolate, champagne and a good love story. Here are a couple of my favorite films that have found their way into the public domain.


The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954)

I love Elizabeth Taylor in this. She is breathtakingly beautiful and that allows her character to get away with things she might otherwise be scolded for. Loosely based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Babylon Revisited, the film starts as WWII ends. Keep an eye out for our lovely Zsa Zsa who left us over the holidays.


Royal Wedding (1951)

One name: Fred Astaire. He is one of the reasons I love dance. This is the film where he does that fabulous dancing on the ceiling. It also shows why Peter Lawford was so popular. What this film lacks in story, it makes up for in set design and dance.


Charade (1963)

Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn: SWOON. The suspense of this one will have you guessing right up to the last minute. I love the Givenchy skiwear in the first scene and the party games at the bar where people have to pass an orange without using their hands… it’s steamy.

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Zagreb’s gallery of broken hearts

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A traveling Uno card game that remained unplayed. A guitar given as a gift and refused. A used small shampoo bottle with inscriptions eerily prescient of a lover’s death. A children’s car rescued from the dumpster into a lover’s thankful arms, and later brought here – to the Museum of Broken Relationships.

The girlfriend knew her guy had always wanted a little car as a child and never gotten one. So she found it for him and presented it to him when they were in their 40s - something he was always thankful for despite their breakup. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
The girlfriend knew her guy had always wanted a little car as a child and never gotten one. So she found it for him and presented it to him when they were in their 40s. Photo: Ana Ribeiro

These diverse objects and many others found in this very special museum in Zagreb come from various parts of the world.

The concept of giving a cathartic shrine to breakups began in the Croatian capital in 2006, and has traveled to other cities in Europe, North and South America, and Asia. Zagreb houses the permanent “global” exhibition.

Our walking tour guide Mia told us that a couple started the exhibit of “broken heart” mementos as sort of a joke, when they decided to end their own relationship but still remained friends. They traveled around with their objects and concept post-breakup, and it caught on and eventually got a nice building in Zagreb.

The façade of the Museum of Broken Relationships, Zagreb Upper Town. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
The façade of the Museum of Broken Relationships, Zagreb Upper Town. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
The Museum of Broken Relationships won the prestigious Kenneth Hudson Award in 2011, “for the most innovative museum in Europe.” Mia called it “the city’s most popular museum” – the one visitors always ask her about – and franchises have now opened elsewhere in the world (like in Hollywood, CA).

The sign at the entrance to the Zagreb gallery states:

Our societies acknowledge marriages, funerals, and even graduation farewells, but deny us any formal recognition of the demise of a relationship, despite its strong emotional effect.

Part of the purpose of this ever-growing gallery has been to “bring comfort” not only to those who give over their mementos, but also to the visitors who view them and are reminded that they’re not alone in their pain. Visitors are able to write messages in the guestbook, and in that way, even if they’re not donating an item, share their own experiences as well.

One story involved a naughty game where one would play teacher and the other one the "bad boy" who had to stand in the corner and be humiliated. The relationship didn't last. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
One would play teacher, the other the bad boy. All wrong for each other. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
The objects in the Zagreb gallery belonged to heterosexual as well as same-sex couples, and a few even to parents and children. Despite the various stories and motivations for donating the pieces, they all have in common the universal theme of loss of love – and often the inability to completely overcome such a loss.

On the museum’s website, people can also share their broken relationship stories or sign up to send an item. They’re also on Facebook.

A description accompanies each of the mementos in the gallery. It gives us a window into the nature and course of each relationship, and a glimpse of how much its demise hurt. One display was literally made of two broken glasses, which the couple once drank from each year on their anniversary to celebrate their lasting love.

One lover used as therapy an axe to break the girlfriend's furniture when she left their live-in arrangement for another after the dumpee had gone on a business trip. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
One lover used as therapy this axe to break the girlfriend’s furniture when she left their live-in arrangement for another after the dumpee had gone on a business trip. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
The fact the museum acknowledges different types of love and partnerships is significant. As our tour guide pointed out, a referendum outlawing same-sex unions went through in Croatia in 2013, whose population is estimated to be 86 percent Catholic and highly values the institution of marriage (when it’s between a man and a woman).

Among the stories I think will remain memorable to me is that of a couple that used to randomly find playing cards on the streets and come up with incrementally crazier things to do together based on the cards, within the context of their placement in a deck. Another concerns a long-distance couple that used to tear one leg off a stuffed caterpillar for every time they saw each other – when all legs had been torn off, then they’d start a life together.

Needless to say, neither story ended well. Their respective pivotal objects are on display.

This dress symbolizes a woman's broken dream of marriage after an undone engagement and apparently some financial cheating by the ex-lover. Photo: Ana Ribeiro
This dress symbolizes a woman’s broken dream of marriage after an undone engagement and apparently some financial cheating by the ex-lover. Photo: Ana Ribeiro

Some cases were brief encounters rather than relationships.

An example of that is a black stiletto that underscores a dominatrix’s unwitting rendezvous with her childhood sweetheart, who had become her client.

A few audio clips and videos are included in the collection. There are also stories of cruel betrayal and violence, including rape. So prepare to go through a whole array of feelings as you browse the collection.

Outside the gallery and into the fresh air, you’ll have plenty to choose from as other activities in Zagreb Upper Town, its lovely neighborhood of winding streets and a medieval feel. You can take your time hanging out there and going to the museum, due to its long opening hours.

The Museum of Broken Relationships is open everyday from 9 am until 9 pm, and until 10:30 pm in the summer months. It usually takes around an hour to see the whole collection. The full entrance fee is 30 kuna, or about 4 euros.

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Short story: “The ins and outs of the ring”

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She looked at her engagement ring and didn’t know what to do.

She’d take it off and put it back on, flick it, spin it on the kitchen table. Thought of melting it in the oven, throwing it out the window, letting it slip through the open drain in the bathroom.

But then, she’d think of the ring as an extension of herself – without which she could no longer imagine herself.

For four years they’d been together, she and her fiancé. Now the wedding was a mere few weeks away. They’d already sent out the invitations, paid for the reception, and planned out their respective “farewell to singledom” parties.

Now she was asking herself whether she really wanted this farewell.

She’d recently been promoted and was going to start traveling for her company. A new and promising job. Her fiancé had a problem with this, had been irritable lately. Told her that it’d be difficult to build a family like that.

She was making more money than he was. Had been meeting many new people who would come to her office, men more charming and successful than her fiancé.

One moment, she’d dream of finding someone who had similar ambitions as she – or at least for her. The next, she’d remember how much she liked her fiancé. And the next, she’d feel suffocated, cornered, trapped, the ring having morphed into the key to life… in prison.

She’d finger-flicked the ring so many times that it’d flown off the table, out of sight.

Calmly, she began to look for it on the kitchen floor. Within two minutes, she wasn’t as calm.

She looked for it under the fridge and the stove. Underneath and on top of rugs, tables and beds in all the rooms. Maybe the ring had suddenly acquired legs. Or maybe she’d lost her mind.

Meanwhile, the couple’s dog was lazily watching the scene from the living room couch.

Shortly after, her fiancé arrived home. He got upset for not finding dinner ready. She hurried to prepare something and ended up burning the food.

Now he didn’t pretend to enjoy the food like he used to in earlier times. He forked it, tried it and slid the plate aside.

Giving her a silent scowl, he went into their bedroom. The dog pricked its ears for a second, then lowered its head back down.

At least he hasn’t noticed the ring is missing, she thought, a tiny bit relieved.

About an hour later, the couple had quietly climbed into their bed, turned away from each other and fallen fast asleep. In the middle of the night, they suddenly woke up to an unbearably foul smell.

Horrified, they found out their dog had defecated on their bed. The dog had never done this before.

Still in a bad mood over the improvised, burnt dinner, and now even angrier, her fiancé got up to fetch toilet paper and clean away the feces. When he scooped up the soft, warm mass, he felt something hard.

It was their engagement ring.

© Ana Beatriz Ribeiro

The post Short story: “The ins and outs of the ring” appeared first on The Leipzig Glocal.

“There’s a love at every corner”

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“There’s a love at every corner,” he told me. “You’re on another level for me.”

"There's a love at every corner" - but some never quite leave you.

I had learned over to kiss him and, for the first time since we met, he’d refused.

For him, I was on the level of his closest childhood friend, he continued – whom I had met, along with his whole immediate family, in the intoxicating early days of our relationship.

I now know what he meant, but it’d take me years to fully appreciate it. At the time, I just felt unwanted, unattractive.

I got out of his car, pushed the door shut with a little too much force, and walked away to my car. My skin began to sting from the day at the beach earlier; hair smelled of salt, was rough to the touch, a bit tangled; my pants and top were a bit incongruous. I wondered if that’d played a role in his rejecting me.

He didn’t come after me, and the forlorn dusk in the emptying mall parking lot echoed my internal state.

He and I had ushered each other into adulthood. He’d taken my virginity, taught me to like my body a bit more, sat through and held me tight during my high school graduation. I’d taken him out of a romantic rut, made him want to commit, gave him support as his family situation forced him to quit college abroad where we were and start working for survival.

Ironically, I’d decided to stay abroad largely because of him, and then he ended up having to go back home. I’d let go of an early music career opportunity back in our mutual homeland of Brazil to take entry-level service industry jobs in the U.S. and pursue a college education at the same time, able to cover tuition myself.

"There's a love at every corner" - but some never quite leave you.

Right as I was starting college, we broke up. Although grown-up in some ways, we were still too young and restless.

For a while, we couldn’t let go, though. We continued to see each other unofficially, hopping among the different beds where he happened to be staying during his periods in town.

“…a love at every corner. There’s a love…”

I kept replaying his words in my head as I entered and sit in my car that summer evening, lingering in my parking space long after he’d pulled away from his. I’d followed his car’s rear end with my eyes, its red brake lights at the stop sign, until it disappeared around the bend.

I reached into the compartment between the front seats where I kept a stack of mixed CDs outside their cases. Some were scratched and skipping. All were filled with songs we both liked and shared in our relationship. Most of them, he had introduced me to.

And now I was stuck with more than a hundred songs reminding me of our moments.

"There's a love at every corner" - but some never quite leave you. http://leipglo.com

I popped in one of the CDs – I don’t recall which – with letters scribbled across it in permanent marker, and closed my eyes. The soundtrack temporarily retrieved me those afternoons and evenings a couple of years back when time seemed to stop.

But it came interspersed with flashes from the more recent afternoons and evenings when part of me couldn’t wait to get out of his bed borrowed from a stranger, and away from his body which now felt like a stranger’s, while the other part of me desperately tried to hang on.

I didn’t understand back then, but I do now. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

I could only ever have him back the way he was, and I guess myself as well, through certain verses in certain songs.

“There’s a love at every corner.”

I turned the key inside the ignition and checked my phone. A few missed calls and messages.

I’d totally forgotten.

I suppressed a tear as I looked into the rearview mirror and renewed my lip gloss, pressing my lips tightly together. My scalp hurt as I tried to brush my salt-hardened hair with a little too much force.

With the soundtrack still playing, I pulled away from the mall parking lot, on to the next date.

The post “There’s a love at every corner” appeared first on The Leipzig Glocal.

Lady Gaby poetry: “Drape Me”

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Drape Me

Poem by Gaby Bila-Günther aka Lady Gaby / © Berlin, 2010

Lady Gaby at Neo Dada, Sophiensaele, Sept 2016. (Photo courtesy of Lady Gaby)
Lady Gaby at Neo Dada, Sophiensaele, Berlin, Sept 2016. (Photo courtesy of Lady Gaby)
Drape me

In jewels
With all your gentle tools

Drape me

With your eyes
Without blinding me

Drape me

In words
Without them hurting me

Drape me

With affection
Without it spoiling my moods

Drape me

With attention
With borders that can be crossed

Drape me

With love
And I will give it back to you

Drape me

With songs
Without being out of tune

Drape me

With heat
Without explosions

Drape me

With care
Without a strangle

Drape me

With kisses
Without hinges

Drape me

With the world’s beauty
Without its sickness and addiction

Drape me

With your mind
Without doing it all the time

Drape me

Without an end
As I want to walk further

Drape me

With promises
But spare me when they are broken

Drape me

With your sex and lust
But spare me the hate when I have had enough
And I am through with you

More from Lady Gaby

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